Broken Wonderland
by Aetheriata
Summary: With Alice gone, the wonderland can't be what it used to be...


**Broken Wonderland**

Tarrant Hightop didn't really know when he had lost his mind, but that he had _sometime_, that he was sure of. He wasn't called the Mad Hatter for nothing.

Maybe he had been born half-crazy; that wouldn't have been strange, given that this was Underland. Maybe it was the joy of his first perfect hat that had done it, or maybe the day he had first met the March Hare.

It didn't really matter, anyway; he knew he hadn't been right in the head when he'd met Alice for the first time, and that's what counted.

After Alice's first departure, he had missed her, but he had been able to get with life, with his duty and even with his thoughts of revolution.

He'd had his crazy moments now and then, and most people had the good sense not to get in the way when it happened. But when Alice came back, something changed. She was able to stop him from ranting, put his confused mind back on the right track and make him feel _sane _– which he never really_ had._

But then, she went away again, left him in favor of 'things she had to do'. He was alone again, alone in his head, where Alice had fit in perfectly. His mad moments returned, more often and harder and _deeper_ and no one was there to stop him. So he sat alone by the table, drinking tea and eating cake, sometimes working on a hat and destroying it the next day and he waited and waited and _waited… _But no one came to join him.

It was a normal day in Underland – Boggle, to be precise. Nothing extraordinary was supposed to happen, so the White Queen decided she would go and visit Tarrant who she hadn't seen for a while. She asked McTwisp, Mallymkun and Bayard to accompany her and, of course, they did just that. They went to where Tarrant was most likely to be found: At his tea table under the windmill.

"Mallymkun", asked Mirana in her usual quiet voice, "have you talked to him at all lately?" The Dormouse shook her head and hung it sadly. "No, your Majesty", she answered. "I haven't seen him for a month. I must confess, I don't dare, either. He is frightening, and it is very hard to bear, seeing him like that."

The Queen nodded slightly, then looked at the White Rabbit. "And what about Thackery? Do you know where he's gone, McTwisp?" The White Rabbit shook his head. "He locked himself up in the smaller kitchen. That is what I heard, your Majesty."

Mirana sighed a little, and pity shone in her eyes. "My poor friends", she murmured. "Maybe I should have never given the blood to Alice. Maybe, if she had stayed here, the situation would have been different."

"You had to let her go, your Majesty", Bayard protested. "It was her decision, after all. She is still an Outworlder and though her feelings for our Hatter may have been mutual, she still had to go back to her own world."

Mirana smiled. "Mutual they are, my friend, take my word for it. But yes, you are right. It wasn't her time to stay then. I just wish, Tarrant understood that, too."

"I think he does, your Majesty", came a voice from a nearby tree. The little group looked up at Chessur, who had just appeared out of nowwhere, as per usual.

"What do you mean, Chess?", the Dormouse demanded, and the grin on the furry face widened. "I meant", he said, "that our dear Tarrant knows exactly why she went. And that is what's made him as mad as he is now. Knowing that his feelings, strong as they are, will never be returned, because Alice most likely won't come back."

He moved with them now, closer to the tea table, near the Queen's side.

"He's acting strangely, you know", he explained and the grin had completely left his face by now. "I come and watch him from time to time. Every day, he decorates the table with a different cloth, tea set and flowers, every day he brews another kind of tea, every day he brings different cakes. Then he sits there, doing nothing but staring into space, waiting. And when night comes and Alice doesn't, he throws a tantrum, breaks everything to pieces and cries himself to sleep. The next morning he starts again. And every time he looks thinner, his eyes darker and his smile won't last, even if he forces himself."

The friends listened and all felt the same horror, sadness and pity in their hearts.

"My poor, dear Tarrant", Mirana nearly wept. "How could we ignore this for so long? We should have come sooner, should have realized right from the start!" The others had nothing to say to this; they could only nod.

By then, they had reached the clearing and found exactly what Chessur had predicted: a thin, worn-out Hatter, wearing his best but crumbled clothes, sitting at a full table, gazing into the distance, a strained smile on his face.

Mirana hurried to his side, followed by the others. The Queen dropped to her knees and took his hand in hers. "Oh, Tarrant", she cried. "What are you doing? Why do you let yourself suffer so much?"

His eyes, whose color she couldn't quite place, came into focus, his smile genuine now. "My Queen", he said softly, "I am waiting, can't you see? I am waiting for Alice. She is late for tea again, the naughty girl."

Mirana sobbed. Mallymkun drew closer and hopped up on Tarrant's knee. "But Hatter, you know, she won't come", she said, desperate, almost on the brink of tears herself. "Alice went away a long time ago!"

Bayard rested his head on the man's other knee and looked up at him. "She's right, Hatter. It has been three years already. You don't have to wait anymore."

Tarrant just shook his head, still smiling. "Last time it had been nearly 15 years, and she still came back. I'll just wait here. She could come out of the forest any time now, like she did last time. I don't want her to be alone when she comes, you know? That would be cruel and I don't want to hurt her like that."

He stared into the distance again, maybe looking into the past, remembering better times or picturing the future, which might never come.

Silently but gently the White Rabbit led the weeping Queen away, followed by the others.

Back into the woods she sank onto the ground, crying desperately while her friends watched, feeling helpless and lost, because Underland didn't feel right without its Hatter at all.


End file.
